Bed Post Etiquette

YOU'VE had sex, she's lying next to you: a picture of natural beauty albeit slightly sweaty and sticky, and she pops that all-important question she in theory shouldn't ask but some would argue, has every right to know. "How many women have you slept with?"

Maybe you knew it was coming, have nothing to hide and have been preparing the answer for a while; maybe it's information so highly sensitive that you have no intention of revealing.

She asks again, "Come on. Is it so bad you can't tell me?" followed up by a gentle coaxing stroke on your chest. "I thought we told each other everything?"

By this time your silence has pushed you into a corner despite the intention that it be your strength. You know your answer is going to make or break you. You know for certain your relationship will be saved if you equal her number or have a lower count. Any higher - and God forbid that you double, maybe triple hers - and you know you'll be paying for your honesty for months to come, if not the entire duration of your relationship.

Think carefully before you open your mouth. You're with someone whom you like, maybe love and who, give it time, could be your future wife. What do you do?

It's fair to say women are more than often the first to ask although men are equally as likely to be consumed by this growing curiosity. Some couples have it out on the first night or within the first month as their sex life kicks off into unknown territory - anything after that and you're both just being polite. If you're (luckily) in single figures, then count yourself safe. You can confidently get away with naming a couple of ex-semi-long-termish girlfriends, a few one-night stands and of course, the girl you lost your virginity to. No problem.

Trump card in your hand, you slyly turn to her and pop the same question back. Anything between 10 and 15 could possibly be counted as additions to the first wave of real experience encountered at college or university. You can argue a lads' holiday, your best friend's wedding, and possibly your brother's ex (although five years later than him). It's when you look away vaguely and casually say, "Oh, anything between 25 and 35" then that's when the problems start.

You may genuinely not know the exact figure but try and look as if you do. Women want to know that you're both emotionally and physically in control of your sex life, even if you aren't. Once said, it's worth taking a quick glance in her direction to see the reaction on her face.

The chances are you'll be hit with a wall of deafened silence as she absorbs every detail you threw her way. Hang in there, you may just find you haven't crushed her confidence completely; she may have a naughty affair with her old college tutor tothrow back at you.

Either way the question begs trouble so beware. If your count is higher than hers - and it need only be several more to land in this category - you could find yourself sized up as some immoral one night stand bastard who is likely to cheat on her, even though you're actually the faithful type.

The question quite simply snowballs into other substantial issues of fidelity and long-term prospects, and your relationship, at the earlyish stage at which you'll be discussing numbers, isn't strong enough to take it.

In theory the question shouldn't arise; what went on in your bedroom before she arrived on the scene is, quite frankly, none of her business. And vice versa.

But numbers can be an indication of what a person is all about. It would be a world-first if the issue failed to surface. So, with the inevitability that she's bound to spring the question when you least expect it, there's only one way to beat the no-win situation you'll find yourself in: ask her first.

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